Jimmy: The Coffee Boy
by TexStarr
Summary: Peter Jackson loves coffee, and because he is too lazy to make it, he finds a coffee boy named Jimmy. But what happens when Jimmy mysteriously disappears during the filming of Lord of the Rings? How will Peter get his coffee?
1. Henchmen R' Us

Author: Starr (for now. Tex will help me later.)  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Peter Jackson loves coffee, and because he is too lazy to make it, he finds a coffee boy named Jimmy. But what happens when Jimmy mysteriously disappears during the filming of Lord of the Rings? How will Peter get his coffee?  
  
Disclaimer: Oh come on, people! I don't own anything to do with Lord of the Rings, Peter, or anyone else. I only own Jimmy. The characters from Lord of the Rings belong to Mr. Tolkien (mayherestinpeace), and I doubt that there will be much of them in this, except for references of course. It's mostly just the movie people.  
  
Oh, and please review this. Thanks.  
  
  
  
Jimmy: The Coffee Boy  
  
  
  
  
  
Ch. 1: The Search for a Coffee Boy  
  
  
  
As you all may know, Peter Jackson has a thing for coffee. In all his directing years, it's the one thing that has kept him awake through the entire thing. But all too soon he discovered that he was too lazy to make his own coffee, and would rather spend his time doing something meaningful, such as yelling at people. So, it came to pass that Peter removed himself from his Director's chair (amazingly enough) and went to look for a coffee boy.  
  
  
  
Peter got into his red SUV and told the driver (of course he has a driver! You didn't think he'd drive it himself, did you?) to go to the Coffee Boys and Various Other Henchmen Outlet just down the street. They were having a special. Buy one, get a free coffee mug. Although the store was just around the corner, the driver only spoke Japanese, and they got hopelessly lost. So it took about an hour to get there. When they finally got there, Peter got out of the car, amidst the furious yelling of his Japanese driver.  
  
"Oh, yes. Just park it over there." He said to the driver. The driver went on screaming and holding his hand out the window, palm up.  
  
"Park…it…over…there." Peter said again, slowly. The driver was getting very annoyed, so he reached over and pulled out his Japanese-English dictionary from the glove compartment. He found the phrase he wanted (please give me a tip), and read it to Peter.  
  
"I…want to…caress…your…television set." The driver told Peter.  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"I want to…caress…your…tel…"  
  
"Yes, yes. I got that. But what is that supposed to mean? Let me see that book."  
  
The driver handed him the dictionary, and he located the phrase the driver had previously been saying. He looked up the phrase he wanted in the back and asked the driver this. The driver suddenly started yelling again, even louder than before. Peter threw the book at his head, and stalked off in the direction of the store.  
  
  
  
Inside, there were masses of people running around every which way. There were many people lined up against the walls of the building, waiting to be bought. Weaving his way through the crowd (which, believe me, was not easy for him to do), he went to the wall that was labelled "Coffee Boys".  
  
"We'vegot350.DoIhear400?400.DoIhear450?450?Goingonce,goingtwice…sold! To the man in the white jacket!" Said the man on the podium, auctioning off coffee boys. Peter could never understand how the auctioneers managed to speak so fast.  
  
"And right here, we have our last coffee boy for the day." A short, brown- haired child stepped up to the podium. There were a few aww's from the crowd, and then the auction commenced. Peter knew that if he wanted a coffee boy, he would have to get this one. This was his last chance.  
  
"We'll start the bid at fifty dollars. DoIhear50?" Peter raised his hand.  
  
"We'vegot50.DoIhear100?100anybodyforthisfineyoungcoffeeboy?Goingonce,goingtw ice…sold! To the man in the pink t-shirt!" Peter let out a cry of joy. He finally had a coffee boy! 


	2. Life After the Outlet

Author: Starr (for now. Tex will help me later.)  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Peter Jackson loves coffee, and because he is too lazy to make it, he finds a coffee boy named Jimmy. But what happens when Jimmy mysteriously disappears during the filming of Lord of the Rings? How will Peter get his coffee?  
  
Disclaimer: Oh come on, people! I don't own anything to do with Lord of the Rings, Peter, or anyone else. I only own Jimmy. The characters from Lord of the Rings belong to Mr. Tolkien (mayherestinpeace), and I doubt that there will be much of them in this, except for references of course. It's mostly just the movie people.  
  
Oh, and please review this. Thanks.  
  
  
  
Jimmy: The Coffee Boy  
  
  
  
Ch. 2: Life after the Outlet  
  
  
  
  
  
Where we last left Peter, he was in the Coffee Boys and Other Various Henchmen Outlet, just down the street from his studio. His driver had gone insane from lack of tip (very dangerous disease in chauffeurs, especially foreign ones) and smashed the car to pieces, and then stole Peter's favourite coffee mug which was conveniently left in the car. Which was really too bad, because it was a nice coffee mug. Anyway, Peter had just bought his first coffee boy, and went up to the podium to get him.  
  
  
  
"Congratulations, sir! Here is your new coffee boy."  
  
Peter kneeled in front of him, and asked him his name.  
  
"My name's Jimmy." He answered with a slight lisp (you know, the lisp that young children have sometimes…the lisp? Whatever).  
  
"And you do know how to make coffee, don't you Jimmy?" Peter asked him.  
  
"Yes Mister Jackson."  
  
"Good, good. We'll take you home right away." He took the boys hand and was almost out of the doors, when a voice called behind him: "Hey! You forgot to pay for your merchandise, dude!"  
  
Peter rolled his eyes and went back over to the podium with Jimmy in tow.  
  
"That boy costs $63.95, dude." Said a teenaged boy with spiky green hair, and numerous body piercings.  
  
"I got him at fifty dollars!" Peter yelled.  
  
"Dude, you forgot tax."  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN TAX?! THIS IS AN AUCTION! THERE IS NO TAX HERE!!"  
  
Peter's years of practice at yelling at people had served him well, and the teenager cowered in fear. You could almost see the steam coming out of Peter's ears.  
  
"Okay, man. Just calm down. You don't have to pay taxes, just please don't hurt me!" The clerk said in a fear-filled voice.  
  
"That's better." Peter said with a smile. Peter patted his pockets in search of his wallet.  
  
"Do you take checks? I seem to have left my wallet in the car (which, if you remember, was savagely ripped apart by an insane Japanese man).  
  
"Yeah, man. Whatever you say. Of course we take checks."  
  
"Good." Peter replied. He whipped out his checkbook (by whipping out, I mean dropping on the floor) and wrote out a check for Jimmy.  
  
  
  
"Let's go Jimmy."  
  
With that, they walked out of the doors.  
  
  
  
"Now where did he park that car?"  
  
  
  
"Jimmy, do you see a red SUV?" Peter asked Jimmy.  
  
"No, Mister Jackson."  
  
"What was he thinking?! Now how do we get back?"  
  
"Mister Jackson?" Jimmy said, tugging on Peter's sleeve. "Why don't we just walk back?"  
  
"WALK? HOW CAN WE WALK? IT'S MILES AWAY!"  
  
"Mister Jackson? Didn't you say you came from just around the corner?"  
  
"YES! I mean, yes I did Jimmy. Hey! I've got an idea! Let's just walk back!"  
  
"That's a good idea, Mister Jackson."  
  
  
  
  
  
****************  
  
Several Years Later:  
  
****************  
  
"JIMMY!!! COFFEE!!! NOW!!!" Peter bellowed.  
  
"Yes, Mister Jackson." Said a now teenaged Jimmy. Jimmy went to the coffee machine, poured in some water, plugged it in, and turned it on. Nothing happened. Muttering obscenities under his breath, he gave it a few half- hearted kicks in the broiler, and it sputtered to life. 'We really need a new coffee maker…' Jimmy thought to himself.  
  
"No we don't!" Peter yelled from the other room.  
  
"How does he do that?" Jimmy wondered out loud. Shaking his head, he saw that the coffee was ready, and poured some in his Coffee Boys and Various Other Henchmen Outlet mug. He added one sugar, no cream. Just how Peter liked it. He took the foul smelling liquid to Peter, who said nothing. Not even a thank-you. Jimmy stalked off and sat in the chair farthest from Peter. He took out his favourite book, Lord of the Rings, and began to read.  
  
"What are you reading, sonny Jim?" Jimmy cringed. He hated that name.  
  
"The Lord of the Rings." Jimmy muttered from behind the book.  
  
"Lord of the Rings? Hmmm… that gives me an idea! I will direct a multi- million dollar film that will become wildly popular in theatres across the world and will rake in lots of mullah.  
  
"Sure, Mister Jackson." Jimmy continued to read, while Peter wrote down his idea, and then commenced to watch "The Weakest Link". And so it came to pass that Jimmy, the coffee boy, gave Peter Jackson the idea for the most popular film in a long time. Coincidentally, mostly just because of his choice of Orlando Bloom to play Legolas. 


	3. Multiple Aquaintences

'A large brown boat sailed up to the docks.  It was called 'Sallah's Ark'.  When it reached the dock, a large, and we mean LARGE, man stepped off and made his way towards the car that was waiting to take him to the Weta make- up workshoppe.  There was a boy in a chauffeur's uniform by the car.  
  
   'Mr. Rhys-Davies?' he inquired.  
  
   'Yes, I am he.  Are you from Mr. Jackson?' The man asked in a deep, booming, and overall Welsh voice.  
  
The boy cringed at the mention of his Master.  
  
   'Yes.  If you will just step into the car, I'll take you to him.'  
  
A while later, a plane landed at the airport.  Well, two planes actually.  One said 'American Airlines' on its side and two rather short people got off.  One was obviously older, heavier and taller.  The other was short, thin and had the weirdest eyes this side of the Milky Way, possibly farther.  He was wearing headphones.   
  
The other plane had 'British Airways' on its side and two more short, thin people came out.  One was slightly taller than the other, had large ears, short brown hair, and wore sunglasses that covered his grey/blue eyes.  The other, shorter one, also wore sunglasses, and had very short hair. He looked to be suffering from male pattern baldness. The two groups converged.  
  
  'Whot are you listenin' to?' the slightly larger of the two on the BA plane asked the one with headphones on.  
  
  'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.' he answered.  
  
  'Do you have splitters?'  
  
  'Yeah, they're in the player.'  
  
  'Cor' and with that, he whipped out his headphones (not dropping them) and plugged them in.  
  
 The four made their way towards a car where a boy a little older than the youngest of them was waiting.  
  
'Misters Astin, Boyd, Monaghan, and Wood?' The boy asked.  
  
The two not listening to music answered for them all.  
  
'I'm Sean Astin, and the one with the freaky eyes is Elijah Wood.'  
  
'Ah'm Billy Boyd, and tha' one over thare es Dominic Monaghan.'  
  
The boy smiled briefly, and said, 'I'm from New Line Cinema; I'm here to take you to the set.'  
  
With much pomp and ceremony a giant ocean liner sailed into the harbour. There was a crowd of people waiting for it, or rather the passengers, who were now beginning to disembark. Among the waving relatives and friends standing on the shore, was a young man in a driver's uniform, leaning up against a car. His eyes were trained intently on two men who were walking down the gangplank. The older one waved to his companion as they parted and walked over to the car. He looked about sixty with grey hair and piercing blue eyes.  
  
'Sir Mckellen?' The young man at the car asked.  
  
'Yes, I am he.' The older man answered with a distinguished British accent, 'are you from Mr. Jackson?'  
  
As before, the youth flinched before affirming.  
  
'Excellent. I think I shall do some studying before I arrive.' Mckellen announced, as he rooted through one of his bags, producing a new copy of "The Lord of the Rings". He got in the car and settled comfortably into the back seat.  
  
A twin-engine Cessna landed in the private area of the New Zealand Airport. A sandy-haired, thin-faced man came out of the cockpit. He looked around until his grey-green eyes alighted on a young man leaning against a car, reading Havelock Vetrinari's "The Servant". The pilot grabbed his bags and walked over to him. The youth looked up.  
  
'Mr. Bean?' He asked.  
  
'Yes,' the man started in a British accent that bordered upon menacing, 'Ar-'  
  
'Yes, please don't ask, I am from Mr. Jackson.' The boy interrupted in an irritated tone before Bean could say another word.  
  
'Good,' he growled, angry at being cut off. Then he got into the car. 


	4. The Council of Peter

Author: The last chapter was Tex (with help from Starr) This chapter is us!

Rating: PG

Summary: Peter Jackson loves coffee, and because he is too lazy to make it, he finds a coffee boy named Jimmy. But what happens when Jimmy mysteriously disappears during the filming of Lord of the Rings? How will Peter get his coffee?

Disclaimer: Oh come on, people! We don't own anything to do with Lord of the Rings, Peter, or anyone else. We only own Jimmy. The characters from Lord of the Rings belong to Mr. Tolkien (mayherestinpeace), and I doubt that there will be much of them in this, except for references of course. It's mostly just the movie people.

Oh, and please review this. Thanks.

Ch. 4: The Council of Peter

            In the courtyard of the not-quite-finished (A/N: Hee, hee!  We like dashes…) Imladris set, there were carven chairs arranged in a semi-circle around a stone platform.  On the other side of the dais were two chairs, one large and ornately carved, the other a folding chair.  People of all sizes and nationalities filed in, including those whose arrivals we documented in chapter three.  On each chair was a packet with a name on it.  The packets contained scripts, pictures, keys, conceptual art, and etcetera.  Each person sat where their name was.  Once everyone had arrived, they noticed that there were two chairs (besides the two set apart) whose occupants were not present.  This was soon forgotten as the youth who had driven everyone from their various points of entry came into the yard.  

            'Mr. Peter Jackson!' He announced.  

            Confused, most of the assembly stood up, not knowing what else to do.  The director entered, looking rather pleased at the vertical state of his crew.  Then he noticed the two empty seats.  

            'Jimmy, bring me those packets.' He demanded.  Jimmy complied without speaking.

            'Stuart Townsend and Orlando Bloom,' Peter read, 'oh well, they will be reprimanded when they get here.' 

            Just then, (because of the laws of narrative causality) a thrumming noise was heard.  The crew looked up.  Sure enough the silhouette of a helicopter could be seen.  Moreover, a figure just jumped out!  The group gazed on in horror until the figure opened his parachute.  The helicopter hovered (or rather descended) near him, but far enough away to avoid causing a gore shower falling on the people below.  

            The parachutist touched down near the centre of the courtyard causing quite a few of the female (and a couple male) cast members to swoon.  He was lithe (A/N: THANK YOU, Manpants) and had curly, dark hair (A/N: Again, THANK YOU, Manpants [ever so much]).  The helicopter set down not far from the gathering.  The pilot hopped down, and cheerfully walked to it.  He had brown hair, dark eyes, and a generally sour look, despite the fact that he was smiling.

            'Here are your packets,' Peter snarled, angry at having his entrance outdone by mere actors, 'now sit down!' 

            The twain took the proffered packets, and walked to the empty seats.  

            'Now that we're all HERE…I think introductions are in order.  Please say your name, what you do here, and what you have done.  I am Peter Jackson, your director, and this is Jimmy, my coffee-boy.'  The two of them (Jimmy looking miffed at not being able to introduce himself and at having to sit in the folding chair) sat down in the separate chairs.

            Sitting on the end, to the left of Peter was the short actor with the freaky blue eyes; he stood up.

            'I'm Elijah Wood, and I play Frodo Baggins.  I've beaten aliens, evil children, helped a runaway slave and my little brother escape from various people, swam with dolphins, discovered an asteroid, been a pickpocket, and lost my memory.  And for "Huck Finn" I had to smoke this herb, and it was really nasty.  I mean really, really, REALLY nasty!  You wouldn't believe-'

            'That's nice.  Please sit down.'  Peter commanded, looking impatient.  The actors that had arrived with Wood started snickering. 'Next?'

            The man next to Wood stood up.  He had arrived on the same plane as his younger colleague.  

            'Hello, I'm Sean Astin, and I'm gonna play Sam.  I've been acting since I was little; some of you may have seen me in "The Goonies".'

            About half of the assembled cast and crew (mostly guys) then yelled out, 'HEY YOU GUYS', causing an ear-to-ear grin from Astin.  'I'm glad you've all seen it!  Anyway, I've got a two-year-old daughter named Alexandria.' This elected a loud 'Awwww' from the group, causing another wide smile.  'Thank you,' he said, and sat down.

            Next was the shorter of the two from the British Airlines plane.  He got up.

            'Hi, Ah'm Billy Boyd, an Ah play Peregrin Took.  Ah've been en th' theatre, an Ah play th' guitar an sing.'  At the end of this, he sat back down, looking very pleased with himself.  

            Next up was a man with large, prominent ears.  He was taller than the others who had gone before him.  He waved a little to the assembled crowd.              'Hallo ich bin Dominic Monaghan. Ich werde Meriadoc Brandybuck spielen. Ich habe Arbeit im Theater, Radio getan, und Fernsehen," Hetty Wainthrop einschließend, forscht". *  He sat down, purposefully ignoring the puzzled looks from the other cast members.   

            The old man from the cruise ship stood.  He surveyed the crowd for a moment, and then he spoke, 'I am Sir Ian McKellen, and I play Gandalf the Gay, I mean Grey.'  This earned a few nervous laughs.  He smiled and went on.  'I have been in "Richard the Third", "Gods and Monsters", and "X-Men".'  The audience clapped politely as Sir Ian bowed and sat down. 

            After Sir Ian, still looking very pleased with his grand entrance, the parachutist stood up arrogantly.  'Hi, I'm Orlando Bloom.  I'll be playing Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thranduil, king of Mirkwood.  I went to London Guildhall school of Music and Drama, and I've been in quite a few theatre productions.  Also, I had a minor role as Rentboy in "Wilde".  I was in "Midsomer Murders" on the telly as well.'  There was a collective sigh from the female members of the cast as he stopped speaking.  

            The huge Welshman then rose from his seat.  'I am John Rhys-Davies.'  A ripple went through the assembly.  It sounded like a bunch of people whispering, 'Sallah'.  Rhys-Davies smiled a bit, 'yes, I was in two of the Indiana Jones films.  I was also in "The Living Daylights", and the television series "Sliders".  I am here to play Gimli the dwarf,' Several people looked up at the giant actor and snickered, 'and voice Treebeard the Ent.'  

            When he finished, the pilot of the helicopter rose.  'I'm Stuart Townsend,' he began, in a mostly American accent with a slight trace of British, 'I was born in Dublin, and was in the movie "Shooting Fish."  I'm going to play Aragorn {A/N: We'll see about that!}.'

            The last member of the Fellowship got up.  'My name is Bean.  Sean Bean.'  Rhys-Davies snorted.  'And I will be playing Boromir son of Denethor, the RIGHTFUL heir to the throne of Gondor.'  Townsend snorted indignantly.  'I've been in "Ronin", "Goldeneye", and I was the lead player in the television series "Sharpe".  

            After he was through, Peter rose once more.  He turned to the Nine, and proclaimed, 'You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring.'  Now on to the crew.'   

*'Hello, I'm Dominic Monaghan.  I'll be playing Meriadoc Brandybuck.  I've done work in the theatre, radio, and television, including "Hetty Wainthrop Investigates". 

A/N: By the way, the authors apologize to our "loyal fans" for this chapter being so late.  On account of conflicting schedules, school, home life, and basically, when one wants to work on it, the other doesn't.  But the creative juices are flowing, and we're going to update A LOT more often.  So please bare with us, and we'll post again soon.  Thanks for all of the reviews, please send more. J

Sincerely,

TexStarr           


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